East Bay Mom

I have dark brown eyes, dark brown hair, skin that tans -- all dominant traits.  Everyone in my family has dark eyes & dark hair.  I knew that any kid I popped out was going to be my spitting image, fully equipped with dark brown eyes and hair.  Yet, somehow all of that 8th grade learning of Punnett Squares went out the window when I gave birth to a beautiful *blond* haired little girl.  How in the world did that happen?

I (of course) think that my daughter's combination of brown eyes and blond hair is quite striking.  It's a unique combination.  But I will admit that I wish we looked more alike.  You may be thinking... "Well, that's awfully narcissistic!"  That couldn't be more opposite of the case.  The thing is people don't think that my daughter is my daughter.  She actually looks nothing like me.  If she hadn't physically come out of me, I would honestly question myself if she was mine. 

I have pictures of her up in my cube, and colleagues will comment and say, "Is that your niece?".  I will take her to the park to play, and I often get asked, "How long have you been a nanny?"  I respond to say that I am actually her momma, and I am told, "No way -- you are so young and she looks nothing like you!" 

It is an interesting conundrum, because I am certainly flattered to be told that I look young.  Who isn't?  But, it makes me sad too, and I wonder why.  At the same time, not having a resemblance has it's advantages.  Anytime she misbehaves in public, it is very easy to pretend that she's not mine.  Any chance I have at playing her off as the neighbors kid is quickly squashed by her screaming "Mommy!!" at the top of her lungs though.   

I think about how the concept of family has evolved over time.  There are so many interesting families these days from adoption, divorces, inter-racial marriages, artificial insemination, etc.  Just look at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt to see how much the idea of a family has evolved.  The fact that my daughter doesn't look like me doesn't really matter.  It certainly doesn't have anything to do with how much I love her, how well I treat her or how much she loves me. 

It took me a while to think through this, and I believe I finally came to a positive resolution.  People in society want to emulate people that they admire, respect and love.  And I love my girl!!!  I think of how I feel when I am standing beside her and people walk by.  I want people to look at me and know that I am her momma, because I am proud of her.  It's not that I want my daughter to look like me.  Instead, I want to look like my daughter! 

I will say that even though we don't look alike, she does share many of my mannerisms and she has been raised to be warm, loving and polite.  We are very bonded, and my heart melts when she tells me that I am her "bestest friend in the whole wide world".  I know that will change when adolescence hits, but I enjoy it now.  I think it just goes to show that who we are is certainly not defined by our looks, but instead what's in our hearts.