East Bay Mom

Expression is healthy.  A smile is warming, tears are cleansing and even hitting a pillow can be therapeutic.  Children express their raw emotions through laughter and crying.  As children mature, we teach them how to control their emotions, and hopefully avoid any kicking, screaming tantrums in the middle of Target.

No one, I am convinced, is ever perfect.  Not even the Pope.  Everyone has good days and bad days.  Everyone has great days and horrific days.  We seem to accept good and bad days as a part of life.  We remember the great days.  We would rather forget the horrific ones.

My daughter just had a horrific day, one that I am embarrassed to discuss.  Probably every parent's nightmare is getting the call from school.  You worry whether your child is sick or hurt.  The call came othe other day for me.  No, my child was not hurt, ill nor did she wet her pants and was in need of a fresh set of undies.  I wish it had been any of those.  My child scratched two children and yelled at another.

WTF?!?  I remember vividly pre-pregnancy, walking around malls seeing out of control kids thinking, "My kids will *never* behave like that!"  I remember eating at restaurants where some kids were running around the table thinking, "I would *never* tolerate that kind of behavior!"  I know I had some "all-knowing" thought as well about how my kid would *never* get sent home from school for bad behavior.  But, despite every effort to make sure my daughter is polite, obedient and respectful -- the call still comes through.

Someone special told me that when you do something wrong, it's what you do right after that defines you.  Now, this is not an excuse to do wrong, but it makes sense to me.  And it is a value that I think is now instilled in my daughter because of this horrific day.

Yes, she was punished.  No TV.  No toys.  No dessert.  Early bed.  Etc...  Some would spank, I don't.  Whatever the punishment, losing privileges serves only as a deterrent against repeating the bad behavior.  Punishment does not teach her to be accountable and apologize.  And I mean REALLY apologize. 

My daughter was instructed to spend the evening making cards for the 3 children.  She poured her heart into these cards, and brought them to school the next morning to give to her injured friends along with a huge hug.  It was a simple gesture, but one that took time, energy and made her think.  The cards were an expression to her friends and their parents that she recognized what she did was wrong, and that she was genuinely sorry.

I honestly believe that my daughter is a sweet child (and yes, I realize I am biased!).  And I think that she just had a bad day.  But, instead of it being a day that we just forget, I hope it is one that she remembers.  I want her to remember the lessons learned.  First, yes, don't scratch and yell.  That is obviously bad.  More importantly, when you do something wrong, admit to it.  Be accountable, apologize, and make up for it. 

We all have good and bad days.  Let's enjoy the good and learn from the bad.